had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.