I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs