she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.