remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered