Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.