i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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