All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
