The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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