Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
