I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS