Non-Jews are for practice
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.