Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you