Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.