Whod you bang
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.