now i know why i became what i already was.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night