She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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