hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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