I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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