Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
