I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
