So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
