I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
