What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.