Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.