he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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