I think my fart just growled at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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