I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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