I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
