He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
