I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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