Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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