I'm so fucking centered right now
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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