IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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