Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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