i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
