he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize