Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
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I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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