so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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