i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
