i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
pop tarts are not kleenex
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
