Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
