You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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