Your tits are I can't wait for
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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