Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
