I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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