When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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