If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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