And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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