omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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