roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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