ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
