Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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