Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
