WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
