OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
