you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.