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Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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