i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.