Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm