Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...

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  (773): Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision... http://tfl.nu/88cp
  Replies (23) Good night (559) Bad night (813)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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  (908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits" http://tfl.nu/grvc
  Replies (45) Good night (3888) Bad night (1035)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

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  (830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7
  Replies (33) Good night (6377) Bad night (1802)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas

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  (907): the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas http://tfl.nu/bksv
  Replies (42) Good night (4661) Bad night (900)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

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  (512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106
  Replies (14) Good night (2532) Bad night (4475)
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  (209): View more from California

  nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw

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  (209): nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw http://tfl.nu/vicw
  Replies (74) Good night (4993) Bad night (1272)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

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  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (12) Good night (9838) Bad night (1003)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes

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  (+44): what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/x7um
  Replies (7) Good night (3263) Bad night (1112)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.

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  (978): She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent. http://tfl.nu/hcxv
  Replies (8) Good night (4017) Bad night (892)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..

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  (630): There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow.. http://tfl.nu/vffr
  Replies (20) Good night (1379) Bad night (4205)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.

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  (603): Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom. http://tfl.nu/yblg
  Replies (10) Good night (2429) Bad night (568)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How external is "for external use only"?

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  (859): How external is "for external use only"? http://tfl.nu/650o
  Replies (16) Good night (709) Bad night (1295)
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  (852): View more from

  I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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  (852): I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again.. http://tfl.nu/4a3e
  Replies (4) Good night (352) Bad night (977)
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  (925): View more from California

  Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.

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  (925): Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this. http://tfl.nu/xd0j
  Replies (5) Good night (1785) Bad night (387)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I immediately regret the tequila decision.

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  (248): I immediately regret the tequila decision. http://tfl.nu/ptpj
  Replies (4) Good night (505) Bad night (280)

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