im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest