Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.