I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.