after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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