Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
