Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
