after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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